What is it about the lesbian age gap relationship that’s so intriguing and yet so confusing at the same time? The typical age gap between couples is no more than 3.5 years. In fact, a study in Norway confirmed that it’s been this way for over a century. So, for a person who doesn’t quite understand why a 19 year old woman would be dating a 53 year old woman, it’s a bit of a head tilter. But more and more incidences of age gap relationships are occurring in the lesbian community all the time.
Unfortunately, these relationships are often chalked up to being about money. The older one is the “Sugar Mommy” and the younger one is well, the “Trophy”. But if we look into these relationships a little deeper we see that for a lot of lesbian couples; money has nothing to do with it. It’s about a pure, genuine “internal” attraction for each other.
Not everyone “acts their age” and this is actually one of the bridges that can close gaps and open connections for a younger woman/older woman couple. The older one may act younger, and the younger one may act older. The relationship is further strengthened by compatible maturity levels, life experiences, and things the couple may have in common like personality, values, future goals, and sexual connection.
The Younger Woman’s Perspective
Some young lesbians easily fall prey to their admiration for the wisdom and knowledge of older women. Jenna explains why she is attracted to older women, particularly 10 to 30 years older than she is.
“Very seldom am I attracted to women my age, every now and then it happens. I just find that a lot of them are too promiscuous and so off the wall emotionally. Typically, I tend to eye older women my mom or even my grandmother’s age.”
At the age of 19, Jenna first started seeing a 42 years old woman, who was roommates with one of her friends. “She looked younger for her age, like mid 30’s and it was so refreshing talking to her. She was real. We continued talking on the phone and we’d talk for hours. She didn’t beat around the bush and very shortly we were blatantly flirting with each other.”
A lot of young women who are attracted to older women have said that their attraction has a lot to do with the fact that their older counterpart can be responsible, like when it comes to things like paying their bills. They also find them more mature, more knowledgeable and more experienced.
“I feel safe,” Jenna added, “when I’m with an older woman, I feel more secure than if I was dating someone my own age. Not to mention the sex is definitely better.”
The Older Woman’s Perspective
For some older women, it’s an ego boost knowing that a younger woman is taken by their flirting, in which case the attraction may just be temporary. However, some older women are drawn to younger women because they are more energetic and open to new experiences.
Sandra is 49 years old and has been in a 2 year relationship with her girlfriend who is 15 years younger than she is. “I get a rush knowing that I can turn her on. I love being able to share things with her that fascinate her and she makes me feel good knowing she feels for me as I feel for her.”
In explaining her attraction to younger women, Sandra states, “I find that I’m just not physically attracted to women my age. We can have great conversations, of course, but I can also have amazing conversations with younger women. Truthfully, I just don’t feel like I’m 49.”
Age gap relationships do have challenges, as do all types of relationships. Insecurities and jealousies may brew in several different ways (physically, mentally, financially, etc.) due to the age gap. The younger partner may feel insecure thinking that she doesn’t have much to offer. The older partner may feel jealous seeing her younger partner holding conversations with women her own age.
Close friends and family are often the hardest to convince and solicit support from, as they too may not be able to understand the bond and the love between the couple. And sometimes the best way to convince them is through the display of a sincere bond; marriage.
Unfortunately, some couples soon find out that they don’t have much in common. It is at a certain age that we have certain experiences and couples that are closer in age may be able to relate to one another better than couples with an age gap.
Older/younger same-sex female relationships can seem odd to people who are not often exposed to them and outsiders tend to think that these relationships must be tied to money, fame or power. They may be judged as being fake and insincere. But this is not always the case.
Age gap relationships can be genuine and they can work when they’re based on mutual respect and understanding. Like any other relationship, that has to be the basis. If it is, an age gap relationship can be just as lively and loving as any other.